So it has been more than half a year of teaching, taking grad school courses, and trying to find time for a life.
I was sitting in grad school tonight after making my amazing dragon out of cardboard boxes (we were learning about creating an art center in our classroom) when I realized that I need a place to put my thoughts, ideas, concerns, and problems. Then I remembered that I attempted to start this blog about 7 months ago. I am starting it now…I need an outlet and I need to stick to it.
Rules of reading:
1. I write how I talk…done.
2. My mind moves fast. I think fast and often random things spark another thought. Expect no piece of amazing writing or wonderful fluidity.
3. I am hard on myself, I know I am. Let me be. Because I take breaks…more than I should.
4. I teach and plan and write for grad school pretty much all day every day for the entire 7 day week. Expect a lot of teaching talk…but frankly, it is my life right now. Yes I have friends, but a small personal life haha.
Teaching…ahh. That is all anyone asks me about. Probably because it has turned into my life. I had 21 children from about 7 different nationalities. I have about 7 different languages spoken at home with only English and a VERY small amount of Spanish spoken in the classroom. I have one child who is Special Ed, with an IEP and severe developmental delay. I have one child who is from Iraq, speaks Arabic at home and is selectively mute. She will not talk to me, yet wants so badly to communicate with me. It is very strange. I taught her how to say thank you in sign language today and she loved it! She smiled and used it. I have a child who is an absolute artist. I have a child whose mother does not take care of her. We just filed with CPS. I have a child who is one of the smartest children I have ever met, yet has such hard behavior problems. I am working with him on a personal behavior plan. I have a child who is an angel. She is from Egypt and knew no English at beginning of the year and did not want to talk to other children. Now she has made friends and I hear her talking and laughing every day. It is wonderful. I have a child who still to this day tells me I am beautiful and that she loves me every day. I have 7 children who speak Spanish primarily at home. I have a child who is so severely shy that he wet his pants almost every day for the first 4 months of school. He is now going to the bathroom on his own. He still will not talk to me at a normal tone and will often move his mouth as though he is talking when he actually is not. However, I see a smile on his face when he is with other children. I see him laughing with other children. This is his progress. One child thinks she is the teacher of the classroom and will CONSTANTLY call out and remind me of things that I forget. I have a child who is testing me…every day…but I love him and want to teach him about the world. I have a child who is by far the BEST student in my classroom. Amazing ideas, wonderful words. A nice boy always. I have the most beautiful little girl in my classroom who is so desperately working to really get to use English. I have a child who just came from Uzbekistan and knows NO english. What is worse, no one in the entire county public school system speaks Uzbekistani. Trust me, we called the embassy. Imagine, no one can speak your langauge. You can’t communicate with the teacher, you have a hard time learning. Amazing…I feel terrible every day, because I am not doing all that I could for her.
I have 21 potentially amazing children who could be learning so much more. I am trying…but I do not feel like I am trying my best.
I work 7 days a week for these children. I love them very much. I wish I could do more for them than I am doing. I wish that I would think of them more and not myself. I wish I would think of THEM much MORE and not myself.
As much as that it ridiculous, I am young, single, and have energy. Yes it is my first year teaching, yes I am my own worst critic, but I want to learn how to do this.
I think time management is the key to it. And I am terrible with time management. I was thinking about this tonight. I think and think and think and talk and talk and think and think and think (for those of you that know me, I actually think more than I talk…it may be hard to believe, but very true). I never actually DO IT. For example, I have been dying to search the web for ideas about all the different subject areas that I teach. If I took one subject, a half hour, and actually looked for fun things…maybe i could just get IDEAS. I think and complain about how I do not have enough time (first year teachers, we always complain that time is our worst enemy) but I need to take it into my own hands. I need a reminder of this all the time.
I do more activity based teaching…bad news bears. I try to do objective lesson planning and it usually sucks. I mean I look at objectives…but man it is just not as fun. When you are 5 and this is your first time at school, well part of my goal for my kids is to have a POSITIVE attitude about school and doing schoolwork. This is so hard. SO hard. Things cant be all fun and games when you work in a county with a POOPY scripted curriculum, and little wiggle room. It hurts.
